We’ve all heard it.
“He’s cute, but he’s not my type.” Men and .women alike seem to stumble into this dating pitfall. “She’s beautiful, but I prefer blondes.” Through years of romantic adventures and cautionary tales, we craft a “type” — a collection of qualities that we find desirable. The tall, slender, slightly hunky guy with a chiseled jaw, shimmering eyes, the perfect stubble, waves of tawny hair that tickle his ears, brimming with confidence…ah, shoot. Cinderella nabbed him.
If this, or something similarly specific is your “type,” then you aren’t looking for a man, you’re looking for a robot. You may be wasting your time if you are waiting for someone created in a faraway laboratory of love to sweep you off your feet. So what is your “type”? People are prone to focusing on pedantic details when answering this question for themselves. So are we then supposed to keep it simple? Average-height, dark hair, nice smile. Funny, smart, outgoing. That gets us nowhere, too.
No one would “have a type” if having one hadn’t worked in the past: trial and error, natural sensibility, social preferences, physical attributes. We all have some measure of clarity about what we like, or what we’re drawn to. Despite all these criteria about who embodies your type, the thing we’re really looking for is that indescribable, unquantifiable, un-categorizable feeling that comes when we’re in their presence. We are in search of that invisible thing. It doesn’t fit on a list, or look good at the beach, or spend a surprise bonus from their boss on a sneak-away weekend to the Caymans.
Dating in New York City
It’s useful to know what you’re looking for, especially in a city of 8.5 million, where every “type” of person is swiping their metro card in a perpetual hurry. However, it may be that your type isn’t as easy to pick from a lineup as you think. Ask yourself, are you looking for certain characteristics, or “that feeling?” Are you looking for that indefinable compatibility?
It’s perfectly healthy to have certain qualities which draw or repel you in a potential partner. The key is to manage expectations. Frequently, people find they end up living their “happily ever after” with the least likely candidate! Keep your mind and heart open each time you plunge into the dating world.